


Arrows and Lust

by Notyoursterotypicalnerd



Series: Arrows and Lust [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hawkeye - Freeform, Lovers, Marvel - Freeform, Miscarriage, One Night Stand, Sex, clint barton - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27678827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notyoursterotypicalnerd/pseuds/Notyoursterotypicalnerd
Summary: A One-night stand turned into Friends with Benefits.
Relationships: lovers - Relationship
Series: Arrows and Lust [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024024
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: SEX and swearing.

“Oh GOD CLINT!” You called out in pleasure as you felt him come inside of you.

He positioned himself next to you, leaning on his right side of his body looking at you; you turned your gaze to him “Do you want a drink?” He asked

You shook your head.

You and Clint Barton were supposed to be a one-night stand, but a one-night stand turned into a two-night stand than a three-night stand and a year later, the two of you had agreed to be friends with benefits. At first the two of you would have to be drunk to fuck each other but as time had passed the two of you didn’t want to wake up forgetting how memorable each other’s touch were.

The two of you never had sex in the Avengers tower; you were Clint’s dirty little whore of a secret, he would always take you to this little hideaway out in the woods. The cabin was small but who cares, the two of you would christen each room countless times throughout the night.

“I’ve got to go away for a couple of days” Clint began to explain as his right hand traced over the stretch marks on your stomach. He didn’t mind them; it was part of the human body after all.

“How long for?” you asked.

Clint shrugged.

You sighed. You had gotten used to Clint going away for months on end without any communication; it wasn’t like the two of you were attached at the hip, but it did kill you a bit each time he left.

“Well how about we go off without a bang” You smirked.

“Ooh…I like what you’re thinking” It wasn’t like the two of you had already gone two rounds.

You slide under the covers; Clint rested his hands behind his hand as he felt your hands touch his arrow; he felt the gentle pull you made with your hands.

He could feel your tongue wrap around his growing hard-on; his eyes felt like they were going to roll to the back of his head as he felt your lips on his arrow, he loved when you went down on him. He felt the way your tongue moved around his shaft; you knew what you were doing.

You were brilliant with your mouth while Clint was brilliant with his hands. Hearing his moans as you continued to suck on his arrow; letting him feel your mouth, the taste of him falling back in your throat.

Clint was in heaven.

You rose your head up away from his arrow; your hands slide up his stomach as you began to kiss your way up his muscles. He looked down at you “Oooh…Someone’s playing” He leaned his head up to yours; pressing his lips against yours, tongues moving in and out of your mouths.

You positioned yourself on top of Clint before rocking back and forth; his hands moved to your waist, pulling your close to his body.

He loved the way your breast squashed against his chest as you rode him; He didn’t care if he was top or bottom as long as the satisfaction was worth the ride.

One of his hands moved down to your ass;he grabbed your ass cheek tightly while the one hand moved to your lower back.

The two bodies moved in unison; moans slipped between the passionate kisses.

He leaned his head back for a moment as he rolled you onto your back; it was his turn to be top. He picked up the speed; your hands on his shoulders feeling the muscles move as he balanced himself on top of you.

The two of you could feel the move with each pace being picked up.

Moans and groans filled the cold air.

You could feel he was close; you were close.

“Oh GOD! CLINT DON’T….” You screamed out him pleasure; he loved when you shouted out his name. A few more thrusts and the two of you came at the same time; he stayed on top of you, his lips pressed against your neck.

“One thing I’m going to hate when I’m gone” He whispered in your ear.

“We’ll phones exist for a reason” You smirked.

Clint’s smiled widened showing off his teeth; he loved that idea but when he was on duty he kept his attention on the world and less on his personal effects.

= =

The sun crept through the window; your head was against Clint’s chest while his arms were wrapped around you. The two of you lost track of how many times you have fucked last night but your body was defiantly feeling it. The two of you always pushed each other to the max when it came to sex.

You felt his lips press against the top of your head “Morning” he mumbled.

“Morning” You kissed his chest. You felt Clint’s arms pull away from you; you sat up a little as you watched Clint climb out of bed.

His naked body disguised by the sunrise coming through the windows.

“You’ll have to let me know when your back” You said to him as you watched him head to the bathroom.

“Fury reckons a few weeks but…” He shrugged.

You wrapped the blanket around your body before climbing out of bed and heading out to the small kitchen that was only metres from the bedroom. You put on a pot of coffee, grabbing two coffee mugs. You leaned against the kitchen bench, Clint was still naked as he came into the kitchen.

“Why do you have to hide” He wrapped his arms around your waist; the fabric of the blanket between the two of you.

“Because I’m cold” you complained.

“How about I warm you up” Clint nibbled at your neck.

“As much as sex for breakfast sounds good” You looked over at the door as you heard a car pull up; Clint noticed where you were looking, his guard went up immediately.

“Hide” He quickly said before rushing into the bedroom, he chucked on a pair of pants before rushing behind the front door; He watched through the peephole as the car door opened; You locked yourself in the bathroom.

Clint seemed confused as he opened the door “Fury? Since when do you know about this place?”

“It’s my business to keep track of everyone’s asses.”

Clint stepped outside; feeling the cold as he closed the door behind him. “What do you need?”

Fury stopped at the bottom of the cabin stairs looking carefully at Clint “Isn’t it a bit cold to be dressed like that?”

Clint shrugged “You know me, always training.”

Fury slightly nodded; he wasn’t an idiot. There was only one reason a male would be half dressed in the freezing cold “I need you, now. Grab your stuff cause we’re heading out.”

Clint tried to hide his annoyance “Give me 5.”

“5 seconds” Fury corrected Clint; Clint pushed open the door; he saw your head poking out from the bedroom, he quickly closed the door.

“Sorry gorgeous. Boss is outside.”

You sighed “There goes sex for breakfast” You joked as Clint came back into the bedroom. You sat down on the bed watching Clint dress and pack his gear.

Clint pressed his lips against yours “Don’t go doing anything I wouldn’t”

You smiled a little as you watched Clint walk out the bedroom; hearing the cabin front door behind him.

“I can see why you like it out here” Fury had noticed you through the bedroom window. The two males got into the car.

You grabbed your phone before heading into the bathroom; You closed the door before posing seductively in front of the bathroom mirror before taking a photo of yourself keeping your head out of the phone’s screen. You texted the three images of yourself to Clint with the text Just a little something.

Clint felt the phone vibrate in his pocket; he flicked the message open the minute he saw the first image, the one you had taken of just your breast. He quickly turned his phone screen off. Tease He thought to himself.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Clint gone out of a mission; you find out your pregnant. Something neither of you had planned but now that Clint was back. Could two people who were just friends with benefits turn into something else?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Swearing, Abortion (mentioned) ,Miscarriage and car crash. Overall this may just rip your heart out and leave you in tears. I know I struggled with writing it.

For six months you hadn’t contacted Clint Barton and for six months he hadn’t contacted you; it wasn’t unusual. He was on duty after all and had made it clear from the very first time he left you after a night of passion that his life part of SHIELD would come first and that he paid full attention to what was going in front of him.

The two of you weren’t in a relationship, you were after all just a one-night stand turned into a friend with benefits. You didn’t care; it was perfect. You weren’t the greatest person to be around, society labelled you as a loner. Turns out Clint Barton was quite a loner too which is what made the two of you perfect together.

There wasn’t much you knew about Hawkeye; It had taken three months into the sexual relationship to find out that he was partially deaf and hated when you made a fuss about it. It wasn’t a major fuss that you made but you did get a bit pissed that he hadn’t told you sooner. Why did it matter? He just used you for your body.

You leaned back in the chair; your hands placed on your small baby bump. Five months along. Being pregnant scared you; You didn’t want kids. What man could love you anyway? You didn’t even think Clint loved you; he never said it too you nor had you said it to him.

“Thank you” You smiled as the waiter placed a cup of hot chocolate and muffin down on the table. You looked across the road; you felt like a stalker watching the old Stark Towers turned Avengers Tower, you weren’t even sure if anyone still used the building.

You took a sip of the hot chocolate; You were used to being away from Clint, but this time felt different; this time you felt lost without him. You wanted to tell him about the baby, but you shook your head trying to rid the thought from your mind. Did Clint even want to be a dad?

Beginning to bite into the muffin, trying not to lose yourself in your thoughts. The thoughts that you’ve had since you found out you were pregnant. It was quite funny, you and Clint had been fucking each other on and off for a year and the two of you were never careful; there had been times when you thought you were pregnant but you never told Clint, he didn’t need to know; by now your Doctor knew that the minute your named popped up on his patient list, he knew what you were after and not only would he give you the prescription you were chasing but also hand you a dozen condoms each time. Those still sat in your bedside table draw waiting to be used.

By the time you had finished your muffin; you watched as a black car pulled up in front of the Avengers Tower, not being able to see in due to the tinted windows on the car you carefully watched but no one got out. You jumped a little when you heard your phone buzz with a message.

You slide open the message and smiled when you saw the image that had appeared; you knew that body anywhere.

The photo was a carefully angled image of a male from the chest down wearing briefs; another message came through with the words Miss me?

You defiantly did miss him, but you sighed when you realised that he would need you for welcome back sex. We need to talk you texted him.

Are you okay? There was a reply message.

You looked over at the car than looked up at the sky as a plane landed on the helipad of the Avengers Tower before turning your attention back to your phone another message had been sent through I’ll meet you at the usual place.

You stood up and grabbed your handbag before heading down the street to your car; Clint had taught you to never keep your car nearby just in case someone was watching you; He may not have admitted it, but he was quite protective of you. The only time you broke that rule was when you parked your car in the barn that was located on the same property of the cabin.

Driving through the streets; You had to think of what to say to Clint. How would he react? You had only seen one side of him and that was the side you loved the most. You pressed the windows up button on the car door armrest as you hit the dirt road. You could see Clint’s car was already in the driveway.

You pulled up behind him; You watched as he stepped out of his car and walked over to you. Your hands felt like they were stuck on the stirring wheel.

“Breath” you said to yourself “Breath” you repeated.

Clint smiled when he saw you; That smile made you melt. Did he know what he was doing to you? He reached for the car door handle before pulling the door open “y/n” Clint wasn’t for pet names.

You moved your hands from steering wheel before noticing his facial expression.

“Your pregnant?” Clint stepped back.

You looked down at your bump before placing your hands on your stomach.

“Uh…Um…Congratulations” Clint wasn’t sure how to react; he reached his hand out to you, your grabbed it using his hand to help you out of the car “Uh…Um…How far?”

“Five months.” You thought Clint had seen a ghost with the way he looked; You leaned against the backseat door.

“I bet you and the baby’s father are happy” Clint felt like he had lost the best thing in his life. The one thing in his life that he had become attached to.

You shrugged slightly “He would be if……” you trailed off your sentence.

“I’m sorry” Clint thought you meant that the baby’s father was dead. He went to sit down on the porch steps.

You took a deep breath trying to find your words to tell him; He looked up at you, he could sense that something about you was off. “Itsyours” You blurted out.

Clint looked confused; you spoke too fast for him to understand what you had said.

You closed your eyes for a moment before reopening them “The baby is yours” you repeated slowly.

Clint shook his head trying to wrap his head around the words you just spoke; Seeing him shake his head broke your heart, it made it seem like he didn’t want the baby.

“I’m sorry” You bite your lower lip trying to hold back tears; you lowered your head as you felt your eyes water.

Clint looked at your baby bump; Seeing you lean against the car, the bump was only just noticeable underneath your dress; trying to hide the bump.

You looked up at Clint “I’m Sorry” you repeated as tears rolled down your cheek; you climbed back into your car before slamming the car door shut and driving off. You could see it in Clint’s expression, He wasn’t a family man. He was a love and leave them man, you could see the heartbreak and confusion scrawled all over his expression as you reverse out the yard. He hadn’t moved from the steps as you drove away.

Clint ran his fingers through his short light brown hair “FUCK!” He screamed out. He had let you leave; he had let you leave in tears. “FUCK!” He screamed out again. Clint jumped up to his feet; he wanted to chase after you but there was something inside of him that was stopping him instead he went inside the cabin that the two of you regularly used.

The place was clean; he wasn’t a person who lived in a clean space, he noticed the two coffee mugs still sitting on the kitchen bench; He picked one up and threw at the wall “FUCK!” He screamed yet again watching as the mug shattered against the wall; he grabbed the second mug and did the same thing watching as the piece dropped to the floor “She’s pregnant!” He said to himself “She’s pregnant!” Clint screamed. He went to kick the fridge but stopped when he saw your handwriting scribble on a note that was pinned under a magnet.

He pulled the note down; the way you curled his name in your handwriting. He unfolded the paper before reading

Clint,

Another night in your arms, another mission with you  
I know you said that we shouldn’t catch feelings because this isn’t that type of relationship. But last night, when you told me you were leaving.

I just want to say,

I love you.

Through your handwriting; he noted the words poorly lined out. The one that caught his attention was I love you, he read those three words over and over. You loved him; No one loved him, no one told him that they loved him.

“I love you” He said out loud to himself; to him it felt weird to say those words. He couldn’t remember the last time he had told someone that he loved him, maybe the last time he had told someone was when he was too wasted to care about the sentences that he tried to string together.

He looked up from the note seeing the bed perfectly made; the bed that the two of you had messed up countless times. He believed the two of you were polar opposites; he scrunched the note in his hand.

“She’s toying with you” Clint said to himself “She’s just messing with you. No way that baby is yours” He said as he walked towards the bathroom; pushing the door open, his mouth dropped when he noticed several pairs of your panties were draped over the bathroom sink and several pairs of your bras hung over the shower screens edge; he looked at the bathroom mirror seeing the lipstick stained word Waiting.

He sat down on the toilet seat; the only place in the small bathroom that he could sit down, he reached up and grabbed one of your bra’s off the shower’s screen edge; he remembered the one he held in his hand. The one that you wore the first time he fucked you, the one he didn’t want you to take off. He felt the purple lace between his fingers; He remembered the first time the two of you meet.

He was sitting alone at the bar; he had a rough day not that he was any different to any other day of the week; he had spotted you at the other end of the bar watching as you tried to pull away from some creep that wanted to take advantage of you; no one cared that you were trying to push the creep away, Clint had already downed three drinks when he had the courage to walk over to you and wrap his arms around you “Sorry baby for being late.”

The creep had looked at Clint; the creep had felt defeated, he looked at you “Next time” he threatened before heading back to his drunken friends. Clint kept his arms around you as he watched the creep. When Clint thought the moment was safety defused; he pulled his arms away and sat down next to you.

Without asking; Clint brought you one drink which turned into two drinks which turned into three drinks soon; The bartender had cut the two of you off when he believed he had served a combined twenty drinks between the two of you. Clint shrugged, he was wasted but not wasted enough to lead you out of the bar. That night neither of you had did any talking; you hadn’t even thanked him for keeping you safe during the night. It didn’t take long after the two of you had stepped outside of the bar before you were all over each other, neither of you remembered how you ended up in a hotel room completely naked but neither of you cared.

Clint leaned back against the toilet breaking his thoughts of the firs time he meet you; He looked at the scrunched-up note in his hand “She loves me” He turned his gaze to the bra in his hand “She’s pregnant with my baby.” Clint smiled a little; he never thought of being a dad, he was too much of a fighter to care about raising a family.

Clint jumped to his feet; dropping the note and bra down on the bathroom floor before running out of the cabin and too his car. “Shit!” He said as he sat in the driver seat. Clint didn’t know where you lived both of you had agreed to just use the cabin flat out refusing to let each other cross the line of getting to know each other.

He scrolled through his phone looking for a number of someone who could help him; he pressed the call button when he found the perfect number.

“It’s vacation, Barton.” Fury voice spoke on the other end of the phone.

“I know man, but I need a favour” Clint admitted as he started his car.

“You want me to track the girl down, don’t you?” Fury asked.

Clint used his free hand to change gears before grabbing the steering wheel and pulling out of the driveway “Please.”

Fury knew Clint Barton well enough; He knew that in past year Clint had changed not that it had affected any tasks that Fury threw Hawkeyes way “Is she really worth it?”

Clint stopped when he pulled out of the driveway “She’s having my baby. She’s defiantly worth it” Clint admitted couldn’t believe he had said those words but those were the words that had slipped out of his mouth.

Fury could hear it in the guy’s tone, he had never heard Clint say anything similar to She’s defiantly worth it about another person “Right”. Clint could hear Fury touch the computer keys. The two males knew each other well enough; Clint didn’t even need to say your name when Fury searched you up, Clint didn’t even need to describe you. Fury remembered you from the one time he had seen you through the cabin windows.

Clint looked at the map coordinates that had appeared on the car gps “Thanks Fury, I owe you one.” Clint hung up before following the instructions given by the gps. He drove down main roads before the gps voice said, “You have reached your destination.”

Clint seemed confused; There were buildings everywhere, cars parked to the side of the road. He chucked a U-turn before driving around trying to find any inkling of you; He stopped when he saw your car parked on the side of the road. He pulled into a carapace a few metres away from yours. Clint raced up to your car and looked at the buildings around him. Which one were you? One of the countless coffee shops? Maybe the bar? One of the countless hotels?

He could see through the coffee shop windows and the bar windows; he couldn’t see you. He was going to try his hand at the hotels. Clint calmly walked over to the doorman at the first hotel. He began to describe you to the doorman, but the doorman shook his head before Clint rushed over to the next one; again, the doorman had said no. He had gotten five no’s but he wasn’t going to give up on trying to find you. Clint began to describe you to the sixth door man when he replied the reply of the doorman, Clint almost jumped up and down “Which floor?”

“30th floor.” The doorman replied; he watched as Clint raced inside before stopping in front of the elevator.

“Fuck” He hushed to himself; The elevators needed a hotel key which Clint didn’t have, his eyes scanned around for the stairwell door. Clint ran over and pushed the door open before rushing up the stairs; His eyes flicked over each number that was on the backs of the countless doors going up the stairwell. Clint stopped at the door of the 30th floor; he caught his breath, he could chase after monsters without breaking a sweat but racing up 30 sets of stairs for you had caused him to lose his breath.

He pulled open the door stepping out into the hallway feeling the aircon hit his skin; He wiped the back of his jacket sleeve over his face trying to rid some of the sweat dripping down. Which room was yours? His eyes scanned the various room numbers as he paced throughout the floor.

Clint smiled a little when he sensed that familiar scent; the scent that you always wore when you left the cabin; a vanilla mixed coconut scent, he let his nose lead him to you. Clint stopped in front of your door as he tried to find the words he’d say to you. He looked down at the door handle seeing a do not disturb sign.

Clint knocked on the door; he kept his head low as he noticed the peephole.

“Read the sign”

Clint knocked again.

“Read the si….”

His eyes drifted up slightly as the door opened a crack; the chain on the door stopped it from opening further; He could see that you had been crying.

“Can we talk?” Clint lifted up his head.

“Why?” you questioned him “To tell me that your play thing is no longer needed?”

Clint scrunched up his face in annoyance “No.” He wanted to explain “Please, I just want to talk.”

You were about to close the door in his face, but he had jammed his foot in the small crack of the doorway “Please.” He whimpered.

“Move your foot.” You complained.

“I’m not leaving until we’ve talked.” Clint admitted.

“Well I can’t take the chain off with your foot in the way.” You mentioned.

Clint quickly pulled his foot back; you closed the door, but you weren’t going to open it back up. He looked down seeing your shadow move away from the door. “Come on y/n, I just want to talk” He called out.

You leaned against the wall; your hands against your baby bump.

\- - -

You had gone silent in your apartment; Clint was sitting down across from your door leaning against the wall waiting for any sign from you. He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t leaving.

You looked through the peephole of the door; Clint looked like a lost puppy. You pulled the chain off it’s hook before opening the door; Clint’s eyes wondered up to your face.

“Five minutes.” You calmly said to him.

Clint rose up to his feet; he had been waiting three hours for you to come out to him and all you wanted to give him was five minutes. You walked over to the lounge before sitting down, Clint closed the door behind before noting your apartment.

It was clean and organised but there was no signs of photos of loved ones around the place. A couple of books were stacked under the coffee table while everything else was neatly hidden in it’s place. This was defiantly different to him; His room in the avengers tower was trashed everything of his was thrown around the room from the amount of frustration and anger he had.

He stepped in front of the tv; He knew you as a rough naughty girl but inside the walls of your apartment you looked anything but rough and ready; you looked innocent. He watched as you rubbed your stomach.

“Four minutes remaining” You said as you looked up at Clint.

Clint sighed before speaking “I’m sorry, okay.” He began “I’m not good at this. I’m good at pushing people away, I’m good at fucking everything up” He admitted his eyes held their attention on your stomach “When I meet you, we were just a fling. Someone I could use just for one thing” His hand rubbed the back of his neck “I’m not capable of getting close to someone but the minute I saw you that night, the minute you walked out of the room the first time we fucked” He let a small awkward laugh slip from his lips “I couldn’t get you out of my head. I tracked you down just for the sake of getting to touch you again and again.”

You weren’t sure if Clint was being sweet or being creepy but hearing those words did feel little good to hear.

“We fuck,that’s what we do.” His eyes moved up to your eyes “I saw your note this morning and the display in the bathroom.”

You blushed a little.

“I’m still trying to wrap everything around my mind. When you said you needed to talk, I thought that maybe you wanted to quit” Clint waved his hands back and forth in front of him indicting motion of you and I “I thought maybe you had found someone else. I sat in my car waiting for you thinking that you had finally found happiness with someone else.” That sentence had changed in tone when he spoke; hearing the heartache in his voice, seeing the heartbreak written over his face “When I saw you pull up, all those thoughts disappeared but your stomach.” He looked away from you “Those thoughts came back. I said I would be gone for a few weeks which turned into six months seeing your stomach made me think that you had moved on.”

Clint’s eyes quickly shifted to you as you rose from the lounge. Four minutes were probably up but you were going to hear Clint out.

“Than you told me it was mine” He pinched the bridge of his nose “I never thought about having a family of my own. I was part of one but that was because I’ve spent enough time around those guys that it’s kinda” He shrugged a little “Expected to, after a while everyone just clicks” Clint shrugged again.

The coffee table kept the two of you apart.

“Clint, I was going to tell you, but I know what your like. You had told me countless times that you keep your mind on the game in front of you than worrying about things that weren’t involved.” You admitted “I don’t know anyone that you know, I couldn’t reach out to them and let you know.” You sadly stated “Before you ask, I contemplate getting an abortion. I never wanted to be a mother”

Those words had stung Clint a little.

“I was just going to shrug it off and pretend I wasn’t pregnant. That was my plan when I realised something wasn’t right but than a few weeks turned into a month. I had twelve weeks to decide but once twelve weeks hit and I still hadn’t heard from you. This baby was the only connection I had to you, if you had died.” Your eyes lowered to the ground “If you had died, I didn’t have anything from you. The sex was the only thing I could remember you by, the details on your body” You explained trying not to let the thought fill too much off your mind “I kept the baby because I wanted to be reminded of you each and every day.”

Clint wasn’t sure how to react; No one had every said anything similar to that to him. No one had admitted that they wanted to be reminded of him.

“Clint Barton, I love you.” Those words slipped out of your mouth; your eyes meet his eyes waiting for a reaction. There he stood; His facial expression had softened, his didn’t look uptight or on guard, he looked calm.

“I love you,Y/N L/N” Clint had let his guard down for you; He had let you grab a hold of his heart not wanting you to ever let go.

= = =

A week had passed; Clint was going insane by staying in your apartment.

Whenever you slept; he kept his arms around your body, but he didn’t sleep, he listened out wanting to keep you safe from the dangers that he knew all to well. Whenever you cleaned; he would worry, he hated when you cleaned. Whenever you stepped out onto the balcony to enjoy the sounds of the neighbourhood while you ate your food; He would stay by your side keeping alert, fearing you standing out on the balcony made you an easy target.

The only person that knew about you was Nicky Fury, Clint’s boss; He had sent over a small gift basket filled with various baby items some which were personalised with bows and arrows. The baby clothes sited neatly on the bottom of the basket had bow and arrows printed over them while a teddy bear sat on top of the clothes wore an outfit that was similar to Clint’s famous workwear while the teddy held a bow with a small tube of arrows slung over the soft bear’s shoulder.

In the week that the two of you had spent together; you were beginning to notice what Clint Barton was really like in a domesticated situation. He was jumpy; He was curious; He was frustrated and most of all he was lost. He worried about you while you worried about him but the both of you worried about the baby.

You taped the final box; Clint had managed to convince you that living in your small apartment wasn’t safe for you or the baby. He had convinced you to move into the cabin even though you didn’t believe it was big enough to house a growing child, but Clint had plans to make the cabin suitable for the family.

“is that everything?” you asked.

Clint lifted up the box before nodding. You grabbed the gift basket, it was the only thing that Clint allowed you to carry before opening the door for Clint. He stepped out of the apartment first before you followed behind, he walked over to the elevator and managed to press the down button. It was going to feel weird to leave the one place you had considered stable in your every changing life.

The elevator doors sprung open; the two of you stepped inside, you pressed the carpark button.

\- - 

You and Clint kissed before he got into his car “I’ll wait until I see you get into yours.” He said before starting the car; You made your way over to the security lock on the carpark gates before swiping your hotel keycard,Clint pulled the car up next to you and wind the down the window “I love you.” He smiled.

“I love you” You repeated.

Clint was nervous leaving you alone; He didn’t want to leave your side, he knew what happened when he left people behind. His guard was up and on alert, the gates opened wide.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll ring you if I get stuck.” You said to him encouraging him to drive up to the streets. You made your way up to the ground floor before handing back your apartment keys. The hotel had been your home for little over five years; the best peace and privacy you had for five years that was until you meet Clint and he pulled you away from the bubble that you had grown accustomed to.

You said your goodbye to the doorman that you had grown used to seeing out the front of the hotel; walking over to your car. You were going to miss the sounds of the city, the sounds that lulled you to sleep each night for the past five years. You reached for the car door handle trying to see if you could see Clint, but you couldn’t see any sign of him.

Sitting down in the drivers seat before starting the car and pulling out carefully into oncoming traffic; you had gotten to the lights when you saw Clint stop his car behind yours. You looked up in the rear-view mirror and smiled, he smiled back.

Clint had your back.

The two of you kept track of each other as you manoeuvred between the traffic; you pulled to another set of lights; looking up at the rearview,Clint wasn’t behind you. Your eyes scanned the traffic, but you couldn’t see his car. You quickly glanced down at your phone in your lap before looking back up as the light turned green.

You tried to hide your panic as a car followed you; maybe they weren’t following you. After all it was a street, and everyone was driving. You noticed how the car followed every turn you made, you found an empty car space before pulling into it, watching as the car passed you by.

You pulled out of the car space before driving off towards the dirt road; there was one more set of lights to go through. Again, you stopped at the red light. One thing you’d probably wouldn’t miss would be the consistent stopping at lights.

Driving through the green light; A few metres later your tires hit the dirt road. Feeling someone hit the back of your car; you leaned forward into the steering wheel before leaning back into the carseat, another car came out of nowhere and crashed into the passenger side of the car. You squeezed your eyes shut in fear as you felt the cars bang together.

You could feel something wasn’t right; not only were two cars trying to run you off the road, but you could feel a pool of blood soaking through your skirt. Your hands fumbled with trying to find your phone that had slipped off your lap; you managed to find it before dialling Clint’s number.

It felt like an eternity before he picked up; he heard your screams as your car rolled into a ditch.

\- - -

You slowly battered your eyes open; letting your eyes examine the room your in. You heard the beeping of a heart monitor, most likely connected to you. You could feel someone’s hands holding yours, feeling their hair against your skin. Your eyes moved down to see who it was; Clint.

He looked as if he was praying; He quickly shot up when he sensed your eyes were opened.

“I shouldn’t have left you. I shouldn’t have left you” Clint repeated. He had driven too far ahead believing that you weren’t too far behind, he had gotten to the cabin before you. The two of you looked up when a Doctor came into the room.

“Your awake” The doctor half heartedly smiled “You gave us a bit of a scare, someone must be watching over you.” The Doctor admitted “There is no major internal damage except for a few bruises that will heal on their own and a couple of cracked ribs” The Doctor mentioned before trying to say the most painful thing that you were about to hear “Unfortunately, the baby didn’t survive.”

You and Clint went numb; Tears rolled down his cheeks, water filled your eyes. You being alive was a godsend but losing the baby, the reason that brought the two of you closer was gone.

Neither of you heard words the Doctor spoke after he had told you the baby was gone. Neither of you had realised that he had left the room.

\- - -

Clint felt like it was his fault that this happened to you, but you had to keep reassuring him that it wasn’t while you ached. He was afraid to leave your side; He was kicking himself for what had happened to you. Clint had managed to keep from tearing the hospital room apart, but he knew that he would give anything to flip the room apart, his hands held onto yours as much as it was possible. You were the reason he wasn’t going crazy; He was just using his words instead of actions to prove how guilty and pained he felt.

You had spent five months bonding with the baby while Clint only had spent a week trying to make an attempt at bonding with the baby. You were trying to figure out what was worse losing a child that you were excited for or having to watch the man you love come to terms with not only almost losing you but also losing the baby that he had only just found out about.

\- - -

You were finally discharged from the hospital; Clint wasn’t going to risk it by going to get the car. The two of you walked together out of the hospital, his hand on your lower back as you walked side by side. Neither of you wanted to bury the baby instead agreeing that the doctor could use the developing baby for medical purposes. The baby didn’t even have a name; it was the one thing you both had yet to discuss. Clint lead you towards the car; he opened the passenger door for you, helping you in before closing the door and rushing over to the driver side.

His hand on your knee as he began to drive out of the hospital carpark; your gaze out the window.

= = =

Clint helped you out of the car before leading you towards the cabin door; he opened the door for you, you could see the mess that Clint had created months before, but you didn’t say anything at least he didn’t take it out on you. That was the main thing, right?

You pulled away from Clint as you headed towards the bedroom; curling up under the blankets. Clint stood in the door way and looked at you; he didn’t like seeing you like this, he didn’t ever want to see you like this. There was nothing Clint could do to tell you that you would be fine; he had never lost a child before, he was used to losing people but losing a child, his own child was a whole other ball game.

Clint assumed you’d be safe in the cabin as he went out to the barn; pushing the barn door open enough for him to fit through. Your beat-up car sat in the middle of the barn. Clint began to take his frusation,anger and sadness out on the already damaged car; you could hear his screams from the bedroom as you pulled the blanket covers tighter over your head.

At least Clint had a way to express himself when things got tough; You had an unhealthy way of dealing with your trauma, sadly it was something that you had taught yourself to do at such a young age. All you did was curl up in the fetal position under the blankets.


End file.
